Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
