I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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