the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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