I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
