in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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