His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize