dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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