We named our party play list daddy issues
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
