so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
