I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
