i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
