Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
