I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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