I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
