I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
