i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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