well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
