I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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