OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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