Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
