wrigley field is MILF paradise
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
