I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
