too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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