Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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