whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
