quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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