I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
