Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
