I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
