How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
