Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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