Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
