you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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