I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
