I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
