Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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