2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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