I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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