I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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