Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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