I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
