I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
