I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
