You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
