My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
