Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I deserve this hangover.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
