I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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