friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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