He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
