I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
