omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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