My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
