He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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