The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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