I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
