I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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