last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
