Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Please, let me fuck your mom
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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