My liver just broke up with me...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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