I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
