Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
