I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
