After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
