If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize