one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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