we have officially lost it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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