New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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