I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize