you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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