it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
