You really coming over, don't trick.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
