Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
