I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
