Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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