You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
