we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
