Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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